What I've been doing instead of writing, recently

Procrastination, distraction, preoccupation, obligation

I’ve not been Substacking as much as I want to. You know how it goes: you have a few weeks or months when the ideas are spilling out of you; you carve sacred time for putting them on a page; those posts flourish once published; and you just. keep. creating.

And then…

I posted a note months ago, mulling over this idea of doing it all, and it seems many of us feel the same. There’s just never enough time. Something’s got to give. For many of us, the writing is one of the first things to go, regardless of how much it means.

It’s not just about finding the sweet spot where you a) have time and b) have the ideas right there. I also find that the longer I go without posting – on here and on Instagram – the more I feel that whatever I do break my ‘silence’ with must be profound, brilliant, engaging and popular.

This feeling is nonsense, but that makes it no less real, and is best remedied by breaking the ice with something mundane and chatty.

Et, voila.

Minutes before I got going on this suitably mundane post, Monika Radojevic posted this musing:

Whether or not she’s just in a bad mood, Monika speaks the truth. As much as we like to think of Substack as ‘better’ than the other platforms – more welcoming, more thoughtful, more contemplative; a space where amateur writers and published authors can coexist harmoniously – we are mostly still clamouring for attention, to be heard, to be seen, even if it is by our small, lovingly curated audiences. We just want to find our people. To prove our worth. To show we can write. To tell our stories. To be ‘discovered’ on whatever scale.

And the more of us there are, the louder we have to shout – the perfect breeding ground for pressure to write the ultimate viral ‘hot take’, as Monika observes.

Not to mention those ‘leaderboards’ that emerged on here recently, which add an extra element of competition that this place probably didn’t need, but was destined to have eventually. We will lap them up, or at least notice them, even if we don’t want to. Those on the list will feel shiny, and those of us nowhere near them will once again feel lost in the ether. It’s another goal to work towards – and, probably, another way in which to feel inadequate.

This isn’t a pithy, witty, poignant post. I will not educate you, and likely not entertain you. This is not a hot take. I’m just getting back into the habit of writing, of thinking, of posting on here.

I’m clearing my throat. Hanging my coat back up after being out for a bit. De-icing my windscreen. Having a s-t-r-e-t-c-h.

Here’s what I’ve been busy doing instead of writing, recently.

• Yoga. I’m trying to find ways of moving my body that a) feel good, b) don’t buy into the idea of exercise as punishment and/or solely a weightloss tool (a hangover from 00s teenagedom), and c) won’t break the bank/my diary. I went to three yoga classes in as many weeks recently, and they were lovely. One class takes place in a refurbished chapel, which is dreamy, especially when you get to walk there in the early spring sunshine on a Sunday morning. The other is in a school hall, and my first class ended up being an accidental 1-2-1 session when nobody else turned up, which led to a revelation that I’ve been doing Downward Dog in a wonky way all these years, which likely explains why I strongly dislike it. So yes, yoga. I’ve been doing some of that.

• Going to the theatre. I shan’t go into detail, for fear of overlapping with the next Good Stuff post, but I’ve seen some great shows recently, ranging in size and notoriety, but all equally as entertaining, valuable and excellent.

• Writing (and recording) poetry. I may not have been writing on here, but I have been getting more stuck into my poetry. There have been cool commissions and projects (more on that when it’s all been launched), as well as some shows to perform at, which have helped me to produce a few new draft pieces!

• Working. Because that’s what I do 9-5, Monday-Friday. Recently I've been travelling a little and such on top of everything else, so it’s been a busy old time. Plus, when your day job is writing, sometimes switching to more-but-different writing in the evenings and at weekends can be a bit much. Anyone else?

• Having wholesome weekends away from my screen. By this, I mean one glorious Saturday at a local country park, basking in the sun, riding miniature railways and enjoying hot coffee; board games nights with friends; and planting seeds for the garden. Leading to…

• Growing French beans and other things in my greenhouse. It’s that time of year again, and I’m trying to get in there earlier than last year with some seedlings. On top of three different types of beans, I’ve kicked off with cucumbers, cosmos, sweet peas, calendula and even some blue daisies. There’s more to come, and we have plans to develop our garden a little soon too, so no doubt my greenhouse will prove to be more and more of a ‘distraction’ over the coming months, just like last year.

• Fighting ongoing colds/general malaise. A lot is going round at the moment, and I’ve been dodging and ducking to avoid the lurgy. You know when you think you’re on the cusp of something and it never fully manifests, but you just feel rubbish for about a week? Indeed. Plus, I’m crawling to the Easter long weekend for a break.

• Ticking off the household to-do list. One evening this week was meant to be set aside for writing, but instead I ended up furiously cleaning out the sink overflow in our kitchen, because it had somehow become rancid and there was no way I could think about anything else until it was sorted. So you know – glamorous activities like that.

• Binging on Vinted. Last month, I became a tad obsessed with getting myself some new spring items on Vinted. Unfortunately, not everything I bought is what I expected (for example, I’m now the proud owner of the world’s hairiest sweater vest). More on that another time, perhaps, but I seem to be on the other side of that episode (for now!).

• Watching Severance. My work is mysterious and important.